two years..

November 28th, 2010

two years ago today I was..

• just finishing up my bowl of cheerios getting ready for my “quick”drsappt.. 
• getting ready to stock my house for 3 weeks of maternity leave.. movies and lunches here I come..
• crying in a packed waiting room fearing something horrible had happened..
• sitting in triage alone wanting my mama and sister
• getting raging diabetic headaches from no food or sugar
• having surgery
• Welcoming my peanut into the world!! all 6lbs 4 oz of her..

I will never forget the exact moments of that day.. the fear.. the excitement.. the rage.. the loss of not having  a vaginal birth.. thinking I was going to die on an operating table.. seeing her flailing screaming body being cleaned off.. giving her her first kisses with my arms tied to a bed.. waiting to breast feed for 4 hours cause I was scared shitless.. (there was no better word to use) the survival mode of the first week.. relying on Dustin like I had never done before.. and he was amazing to us.. not knowing what time it was.. or day it was.. looking back to facebookmonths later and seeing that I made her announcement at 6 in the morning!! and I probably thought it was late afternoon.. 

all of it.. I hold in my memories.. and try to write it down and snap photos.. so that when I am old and grey.. and my altziemers kicks in.. I can look back on documented facts of my life.. and not fuzzy moments where I mess up my stories.. and call my kids by their siblings names.. 

Happy Birthday my little Olive Barbara.. I literally fall in love with you more each day.. when you came up last night and held my hand singing  the I love you song.. and looking in my eyes and swaying back and forth.. you melted my heart forever!!

xoxo

your mama..