its party time..

November 30th, 2010

this weekend was filled with activity.. it was great but exhausting.. we had thanksgiving dinner.. work.. luellas birthday.. and than olives party.. and party we did.. she knew it was a special day.. we woke up singing happy birthday to her.. and she was excited from the start.. 

all day was “happy birthdays” and “2”.. It just felt like a different day.. our baby girl turned two! and it was crazy to wrap your head around.. 

we had some family over for dinner and had a hot dog/smokey party.. she snacked.. and snacked..and ate cheezies.. and hot dogs.. and animal crackers.. and anything else someone would graciously give her.. but how could you say no to this face!

she was in heaven.. we opened presents and than moved onto the cake.. aka.. her turning point.. these days.. Olive is loving her usual barney and elmo.. but now thomas the train has been thrown into the mix..  ”thomaaaaaaaaaaaaaas” was what she said when we walked by this cake.. so it was hers.. 

looking back now.. I should have assumed that it would be safeways usual thick one inch icing.. but I didnt at the time..  last year we could barely get her to try the cake.. one delicate finger.. poking at the icing.. but this year.. oh she knew.. she inhaled it.. that little train on top apparently also acts like a spoon.. and she ate.. 

we can fast forward to 8:30.. the house is empty.. we have finished cleaning.. just sat down on the couch and can feel my legs actually buzzing from the energy of being on them all day.. than the monitor lit up and the cry started.. we sat there debating if we should let her sugar crash.. or go check on her.. yah.. we chose to check on her.. 

blue icing vomit everywhere.. 

it was everywhere.. her.. dustin.. bedding.. bumpers.. hair..and the floor.. she was half asleep staring at us so confused.. we felt bad.. so we bathed.. changed the bedding..  new jammies.. some cuddles.. and back to bed.. thinking that was it.. um no.. 

2:00am.. one more round.. bedding.. floor.. hair..  we threw her in bed with me.. laid down giant towels all around her (and yet she managed to find the one patch of my bedding to get sick on).. we were up all night.. sick.. and cleaning up blue stains.. 

the poor thing was miserable.. and I felt horrible.. 

we should have stuck to the one cupcake.. 

sneak peek.. 

sugar crash would be a huge understatement right now..  

two years..

November 28th, 2010

two years ago today I was..

• just finishing up my bowl of cheerios getting ready for my “quick”drsappt.. 
• getting ready to stock my house for 3 weeks of maternity leave.. movies and lunches here I come..
• crying in a packed waiting room fearing something horrible had happened..
• sitting in triage alone wanting my mama and sister
• getting raging diabetic headaches from no food or sugar
• having surgery
• Welcoming my peanut into the world!! all 6lbs 4 oz of her..

I will never forget the exact moments of that day.. the fear.. the excitement.. the rage.. the loss of not having  a vaginal birth.. thinking I was going to die on an operating table.. seeing her flailing screaming body being cleaned off.. giving her her first kisses with my arms tied to a bed.. waiting to breast feed for 4 hours cause I was scared shitless.. (there was no better word to use) the survival mode of the first week.. relying on Dustin like I had never done before.. and he was amazing to us.. not knowing what time it was.. or day it was.. looking back to facebookmonths later and seeing that I made her announcement at 6 in the morning!! and I probably thought it was late afternoon.. 

all of it.. I hold in my memories.. and try to write it down and snap photos.. so that when I am old and grey.. and my altziemers kicks in.. I can look back on documented facts of my life.. and not fuzzy moments where I mess up my stories.. and call my kids by their siblings names.. 

Happy Birthday my little Olive Barbara.. I literally fall in love with you more each day.. when you came up last night and held my hand singing  the I love you song.. and looking in my eyes and swaying back and forth.. you melted my heart forever!!

xoxo

your mama..

you know its a good day when!

November 27th, 2010

First things first.. Today is my best friends birthday.. the big 29.. next year.. we will celebrate in style ;)  I am not saying anything about tonight.. cause I don’t know what she does and doesn’t know.. so stay tuned for tomorrow.. 

today however.. oh today was a good day.. with the 7:30am wake up exception.. my brain went into overload this morning.. with so much to do.. there was thanksgiving.. lus birthday.. and tomorrow is Olives birthday.. parties parties parties.. phew.. so I got up.. and made lists.. and called my sister.. who gave me my own advice right back to me.. 

it will all get done cause it has to get done!

so I showered early.. got dressed.. fed the peanut and headed out.. to Costco on a Saturday we go! the secret worked again!  

yes.. that is valet people!! on a Saturday.. you know the whole trip has to be as good! we walked in and started shopping.. Olive actually sat in the cart.. we bought jammies and gifts.. and started in the food aisles..  I could feel my sugars start to crash :S  and I could feel it in my eyes.. uh oh.. I need sugar.. right than I turn the aisle.. and there they were.. orange juice samples!! every drs nightmare.. a crashing diabetics dream.. ok.. back to normal.. I also picked the  ”right aisle” to cash out.. I walked up.. they were 5 people deep.. and i found one that only 1 person was in.. yes please.. 

and what is a trip to costco with out frozen yogurt?! me and lu once made a specific trip to costco just for this item when we were preggo.. 

this is my “big girl” sitting on a chair.. and definitely not sharing her ice cream.. its ok.. I had a churro ;) she was such a good little girl.. 

ok.. time to put on my face..

thanksgiving = success..

this year was good.. we were joined with lots of family and friends.. great dinner.. and lots of babies to cuddle.. Olives is getting better in groups.. not that she is that bad.. but she isn’t used to to many kids/people around.. so she wants to be latched to our sides the whole night.. unless papa is around.. than I don’t exist..

her new thing however is so freakin cute.. anytime I tell her I want to take her photo.. she just walks to the dishwasher and poses.. 

this was her “partying”..

we lounged and drank all day.. (water) and just kept checking my phone for the baby announcement.. which of course came the second I walked through the door to come home..  oh murphy.. the baby is finally here! all 6 pounds of him.. I am dying for more details.. but want to let them catch up and take it all in.. 

I am not joking when I say I dont exist when this man is around.. the love between them is insane.. 

we had our Peruvian friends come and join us this year.. and it was so great to see them.. and their sweet babies blend in so nicely.. 

I also tried something new for the first time.. I had seen some friends putting nail polish on their sweet little girls.. and I thought.. tonight is the night.. well I thought that last night.. I wasn’t sure how she would take it.. I assumed we would be painting one nail.. blow drying it.. and so on.. but she knew it was special.. she stood there with her fingers spread apart.. letting me polish them up.. helped me blow them dry.. and took it all in .. it was magical.. 

and strangely enough.. I didn’t like it.. I am not ready for her to have polish.. it was weird.. I thought my girl would have pierced ears.. and painted toes.. and tattoos.. but I want to keep her my baby for just a bit longer.. thankfully her beautiful virgin fingernails wont even hold the paint on them.. and half of them are already removed..so they probably wont last until tomorrow.. but at least I did it.. and now I know.. 

Olive is chattering away in bed.. I thought she would be in a milk coma by now.. but she is yelling and telling herself to be quiet.. and I can hear her trying to send herself to a time out for yelling.. it is worth having the monitor cranked up real high..  my turkey coma set in about an hour ago.. and just waiting to plop myself into bed.. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

today.. I am thankful for..

November 25th, 2010

this morning just feels like a holiday.. I love it..  I woke up to even more snow falling on the ground.. made some cheese scones for breakfast.. our usual mcdonalds burrito run is out of the question this year with my tires :0  coffee is brewed.. my baby is just starting to stir.. and my other baby is wanting breakfast..  the Christmas music station is on.. and I am thankful for it all.. but mostly.. I am thankful for my new little family.. I spent ten years thinking I would never be able to have children.. counselors.. tears.. fear.. fear that a man wouldn’t want to be with me if I couldn’t have babies (naturally).. and now the older I get.. I realize that that is actually the opposite of a man..  I have a great husband who is with me on this life path.. as we learn what marriage is.. and the meaning of it all.. and two little miracle babies.. life doesn’t get better.. all I ever prayed for was one to come from my belly.. and I would adopt the rest.. and now I have two little angels.. (and would still love to adopt)..

I am thankful for my new american-o friends.. who will make moving away that much harder.. it was easier to hate this place when it was just me and lu  dreaming of our Canadian return.. and now I am building friendships with mamas and their littles.. 

mostly.. I am thankful for life.. and all that it entails.. pregnancies.. babies.. friends.. family.. parents.. grandparents (RIP) and death.. it truly is  full circle.. now its time to celebrate my american thanksgiving!

the gingers are coming!!

November 24th, 2010

I can write that because I currently own one ;)  my brother is having his baby tonight!! and he may be a red head as well.. and I am so freaking excited.. BUT also raging that I live down here in the ice fields they call roads.. and the news is reporting more snow for canada.. the odds are stacked against me.. but then again.. this birth isn’t about me.. I would just love to be there!! of course his phone is dying.. that always happens when you want to talk on it lots.. but at 7:30.. I will still be an Auntie.. but to another beautiful little boy!!

speaking of roads.. I ventured out on them today.. because we were running on e.. no toilet paper.. very little milk and absolutely no food.. I let the car warm up.. I bundled us up in case we were walking home from somewhere ;) and off we went.. and the roads are literally sheets of ice.. bad.. my back end went out while tyring to turn into the grocery store and I thankfully gained control easy.. but it scared the crap out of me.. than while shopping.. I had a diabetic sugar CRASH.. and almost barfed on the floor.. and had to rip off my toque that was hiding some really awful bangs and unwashed hair.. but it was that or pass out from the heat..  i finished quickly. .headed out to get some gas.. my car needed some weight.. and than it drove like a dream.. ok not a dream.. but there was no more sliding.. and we made it home in one piece.. and now.. I will wait the three days until the roads actually get plowed.. or de-iced.. or just melt.. it does not help that my tires look like this.. 

no.. this is not olives tuchus.. 

 its our american-o thanksgiving tomorrow.. and now we only have to walk two doors down.. yes please.. and I get to eat turkey.. and gravy.. and potatoes.. mmm.. oh yah.. and see family and be thankful for things.. and right now.. I think its safe to say LIFE!

let it snow.. let it snow.. let it snow..

November 22nd, 2010

we woke up to snow yesterday.. finally.. all my Canadian facebook friends were posting photos and talking about it.. and I was jealous.. Olive went buck wild.. her first snow fall was the hell’ish amount we received when she was born.. that almost kept the two of us in America for the holidays while daddy was stuck in Vancouver..  I think its safe to say it was the worst drive of my life.. 3 weeks after a c section.. with my 5 pound love child.. packed in 5 minutes for the holidays.. fearing I would die on the road.. with no abs..  so I can assume she did not remember a lick of it.. 

and than there was last year.. nothing! she saw nothing.. two snowsuits.. 3 pairs of mittens.. toques galore.. all not really needed.. but this year I feel like she will finally receive snow time.. sledding.. snow angels.. snowmen.. I am excited.. just the small amount that fell yesterday morning was enough for her.. she did not want to come inside.. 

nothing gets me in the winter mode more than snow.. we finally started our Christmas shopping.. I dropped the little fam off for naps and siestas while I went to Costco all by my lonesome! I was excited.. I didn’t even care that it was a Sunday.. I was dreaming of hot dogs.. Costco samples.. things I wanted to buy and how I would take my time strolling through the aisles.. I found a spot right away.. thank you secret.. and walked in.. than it all came clicking together.. I had no cash or American express.. I have been sent away many time before empty handed because I forgot.. and I cant believe I did it again..  I called Dust actually crying.. (pregnancy) and I was so bummed.. family free.. ready to spend.. and I couldn’t buy anything.. I walked back to the car.. and pouted in the cold.. it only took about 5 minutes to snap out of it.. and than I remembered that Pier 1 has also been calling my name for a while.. so I headed there.. where they take my debit card.. and made some purchases.. than forgetting I was with child.. headed into Bostons for a drink.. I quickly remembered.. and ordered a soda and an appy and talked to some friends..  I did snag this little gem though.. 

 

he is large.. shiny.. and a snowman.. all things I love.. I look at certain ornaments and know I have to have them.. like they are little orphan children that need me.. and I cant say no.. which is why I have bags of stuffed animals in my parents attic.. they have feelings.. and I cant throw them out or give them away.. yes I am 28.. and I have a problem.. which is also why I don’t like giving olive too many of them.. cause I will probably own them all until I die.. 

time to get back to my egg nog pancakes and hot coffee.. and a really snuggly baby.. 

yes please!

sometimes you just have to bundle up your kid at 8:30 at night and have fun.. the squeels and laughter coming out of this girl were irreplaceable..  trying to get her back in the house.. not so much!

our “4th annual baking day”..

November 20th, 2010

this picture sums up my day.. Olive at my feet.. or in my arms.. I have not held her this much since I forgot her stroller at the mall one day.. she warmed up a couple times.. but she wanted her mama.. and chocolate.. 

we did not go into this baking day blindly.. we knew we had 3 children under two.. and a preggo woman who naps daily just to function.. but it was a success.. and 7 hours later.. I am home.. and praying I get through the next 13 minutes before Olive is in bed.. so I can have a bath and crash..  we were able to knock out 5 recipes.. one was a new one.. and it was.. um.. not to successful.. but we tried something new.. 

left..magazine… right.. ours.. 

there were much more hiccups this year in our baking scheme.. we are both safe to say we are blaming it on baby brain.. I poured things wrong.. measured wrong.. dropped things.. and somethings just wouldn’t harden.. but it all tastes amazing.. I know.. it is sitting in my freezer calling my name.. 

the die-ah-bet-is gods are not happy with me right now!!

our kids also chose to not nap at all.. I don’t think one even shut their eyes for a split second.. which is ironic.. because they are all great nappers.. just not on baking day.. 

I am home now.. and in desperate need of dinner and a nap.. and dust always works so late on Saturdays.. I don’t know how I will keep my eyes open.. last week I had a cup of coffee at this time.. and was up all night.. so tonight.. I will wait for my second wind!!

this little lady always helps.. who right now is squatting behind the christmas tree.. doing her business.. 

i think these tights won the cutest tights ever award!!

Happy Weekend.. 

olive turned 332..

November 19th, 2010

well.. she just turned two.. and my brother turned 33.. but I thought my mom went crazy before I read the lettering.. we had a quick visit up to grandmas house.. due to the fact that my security visa was due the 18th :0 and I kept forgetting to get it renewed..  so we decided to have a little canada birthday party for those who could attend.. 

this was what I heard all night.. 

"cake..cake..cake..cake..cake..cake.."

she asked.. and she received.. my mom made a yummy dinner for everyone.. and we ate cake and opened presents.. and she sang happy birthday.. followed by a fall off a kitchen table chair which resulted in tears.. and a sad baby.. :(

grandma bought her a Baby Alive doll.. that jumps in her little bed and coos.. it is crazy.. and it sounds like a real baby.. olive had a hard time introducing her to the pack.. lucy can be very stubborn.. but she is now being received and was even given some baby stroller time!  I am hoping this will help her when the new “alive baby” comes.. but when she throws her on the ground and asked for a cookie.. I was kind of thrown off a bit ;) 

the best part of the trip you ask? my mama giving me her Christmas garland! I have talked about it for 2 years how much I love it.. and I cant find any like it.. the stuff I have found looks like my stringy hair after I haven’t showered in three days..  i strung up some new lights.. and voila.. my living room is coming together!  my stocking are hung by the chimney with care.. and it is time to start Christmas shopping.. 

now all I need is snow.. which apparantly I missed yesterday in the Canadas by a couple hours.. :0

everyone knows the one crazy lady who sets up her tree early.. and I am ok if that lady is me..

tonight we decided to go for some happy hour.. head to the mall.. and put up our tree.. we got out of the house.. and had some fun.. and some yummy garlic mozza bread! yes please.. normally our tree decorating is smooth as silk.. but this year.. Dustin was a little more involved.. (aka.. he normally is sleeping on the couch while I tell him to take in the moment) and he wanted to make sure everything was perfect.. where as I am not so meticulous.. which resulted in this..

he tried to turn the tree just right.. which resulted into it coming apart at the seam.. falling against a wall.. me running over to grab it.. and being attacked.. I didn’t even know I was bleeding.. I just felt this crazy stinging.. than looked down.. 

at least olive had a great time helping us out.. she loves her jingle bells!

we decorated.. we turned on Christmas music.. we searched for a video camera cord that didn’t turn up until we were done.. and we enjoyed the night together.. 

olives christmas tree.. 

and of course.. the Gap sucked me into this cute turtle neck and ivory long johns.. now that she is actually growing.. we need to update her wardrobe!!

tis the season! look out Pier One.. I’m a comin!!

i hate november 15th..

November 15th, 2010

6 years ago today.. we lost Dustins mama :(  it is always such a hard sucky day.. and today will be no different.. it is easier to celebrate ones life on their birthday.. but it is harder to enjoy the day they passed away.. I still remember and think about it like it was yesterday.. me and their cousin had worked all day so they could spend a whole family day with their mama.. coming from a family of work-o-holics.. and busy bodies.. I remember thinking I just wanted them to all be together.. even if it meant they were doing nothing but sitting in a house with each other..  I truly believe that she chose to go on that day.. because she was surrounded by everybody and loved by everyone in her home.. her comfort place.. I will never forget getting the phone call at work.. it was after the dinner rush.. and thankfully our friend who also worked there happened to be sitting in the restaurant having drinks.. and he offered to stay and close for me..  I went to their aunties house.. and just sat there and drank tea.. and cried.. and talked about all the amazing things we could think of to do with barbie.. and there were many.. I let Dustin have his space and grieve.. and he called me when he was ready.. and I just went over there and sat with him.. all night.. we just hugged.. and I tried to be strong for him.. which wasn’t easy.. I cant even remember anyone else in the house.. just the two of us.. I left at 7am.. and even though she was no longer with us.. I still remember respecting her rules of the house.. and feeling guilty for being there all night.. but knew I had to be..

as I quietly crept out.. I remember hearing her best friend knocking on the door.. and it just broke my heart.. the woman who held all barbies secrets.. and fears.. and love was coming to comfort her friends husband.. and at my age of 22.. having a best friend meant more to me than having family around.. and I felt her pain.. I worked the whole week for them.. even though all I wanted to do was be there for Dustin and the family.. but I knew the last thing they needed to worry about was work.. so I went in everyday.. and worked as late as possible.. while his cousin took care of the bills.. and the rent.. I watched the floor.. I will never know if that helped make or break my relationship with Dustin.. but I knew it was what they needed.. just to be together.. 

and so I sit here.. in the rain.. thinking of Barbies infectious laugh.. it truly ran through your body.. and I picture her coming in and sitting at table 41.. and drinking their liter of red wine.. and eating their house salads.. and her aways handing me a wad of rolled up 20’s for my tip.. and I try to smile..

 but it is always a hard day of what-ifs.. and whys.. and if only she was here to see her grand babies in person.. and how amazing of a grandma she could have been.. I remember finding this photo in one of their million photo albums.. and it broke my heart.. cause I just dreamed of it being little Olive spending the night at her grammies house all snug in her arms.. 

…

heaven.. my grandma is on her way.. take care of her please..

November 13th, 2010

today.. my grandma B passed away.. she was my last grandparent.. and now she is in heaven with my papa.. I am glad I got to say goodbye and Olive got to meet her..  she was 90 years old.. and loved by all of us.. she will be truly missed.. but I am happy she is somewhere happy and safe..  I still have my memory of her in her lavender sweater with her curley hair and her Scottish accent.. and I will think of her forever.. just like my other loved ones..  I can still picture her over for Christmas holidays.. sitting in her chair.. handing out our cards with a hundred dollar bill.. we were spoiled and loved :)

it has been a crazy emotional day.. and I am glad I am ending it with some christmas decorating.. now each year I will think of her when I lug out all the boxes way to early.. and start setting up our home.. it is also the day I got engaged.. and I am filled with happy memories.. and know she would want me to be happy and enjoy this night.. 

love to you :)

its party time..

November 12th, 2010

this year.. we are doing easy.. we are doing fun.. we are doing Mc.Donalds play place.. she is two.. she loves “donalds uggets” and we are going to Canada to celebrate.. soon we will be hanging up Hannah Montana balloons.. or brat posters.. so for now. we take the nostalgic route.. and we will have Mc.Donalds cake and goody bags.. and playing in the play place.. it will be magical.. for me.. and hopefully Olive ;)

                 

I am still just trying to wrap my head around the fact that she will be 2 !!

does it get any sweeter? or in this case.. does it smell any better!!…

does it get any nicer than this.. you may remember this blog post..  these two amazing ladies I know started a soap business.. well I just headed out to check my mail.. and this is what I found!

a thank you for “encouraging and supporting”.. let me tell you something.. this bar of soap smells freakin amazing!! AMAZING!! I want to cancel my morning shower routine tomorrow.. and shower tonight!! It is honestly waking up my senses.. I have it sitting beside me so I can just take in its aroma!

thank you ladies :) and keep up the amazing work!

don’t talk to strangers..

today I had my friend over for brunch.. instead of our ladies night out.. we had a brunch with babies in.. I am not that great of a cook.. but I can make a mean breakfast.. it may be because it is my favorite meal of the day and I love everything about it..  we talked..we snuggled with babies..  and apparently Olive thinks all babies are bbQ’s (from her cousin) so it took a bit to explain to her.. that there are babyT’s and every other letter..  it was great to catch up on the last 3 weeks of her life and just see how the heck she is doing.. 

on her way out.. there was this nice family walking around our front yard. and I knew he was going to talk to me.. these poor people were waiting for the real estate agent next door.. and she was late.. and his kid had to use the bathroom!  all I could think of was Dustin in my ear..

don’t answer the door.. don’t let anyone in the house.. we don’t know anyone down here.. 

but this man looked nice.. and his kid looked like he had to go to the bathroom.. and Dom was still at the front door just in case ;) and I had the thought that these people may be moving in next door.. and I would start out our neighbourhood journey as that bitchy woman who wouldn’t let my kid use her bathroom.. and so.. they came in.. 

it has been a great mellow day of lounging around at home.. and now the candles are lit.. and the baby is bathed and jammied up.. and we are just waiting for daddy to get home.. so we can start dinner.. and if I had more energy.. I would be starting to decorate my home.. but it will have to wait another day.. ahh. bring on the holidays.. 

really.. really!!

November 10th, 2010

I never crawled into bed until the midnight hour.. thank you trivia nights ;).. and when I rose before 7 am.. I thought wow.. take advantage of this.. get up.. and go enjoy your morning.. I could see the sunshine bursting through my thick wooden blinds. and knew I would regret it if I didnt get up..  I came down.. opened up shop.. fired up the computer.. and went to make my morning cup of joe.. and realized I was out.. and have no one to blame but myself.. because I put the empty container back in the freezer.. (I can hear my mom laughing right now).. I decided that I would make a feeble attempt at wiping off my makeup.. and head to my favorite local coffee shop.. grab an eggnog latte.. and my favorite breakfast wrap.. my unborn children have asked for this everyday.. Olive ate them all the time in my belly.. and now baby #2 requires the same love.. 

I threw on some jeans.. and uggs and vancouver olympic mittens.. and went to leave.. wait a sec.. what the.. I dont feel well.. no..your fine.. deep breaths.. it will pass.. wait .. no it isnt.. I think I am going to 

…………………………………………..

yes.. my first day of my second trimester was me hanging over the toilet wishing I had ate something.. so it wouldn’t hurt so much.. 3 times.. are you kidding.. I naively thought this was going to be one of those miracle trimesters where it is totally over.. and I can go back to normal.. not so much.. 

I wiped off the mascara that had now smeared over my eyes.. and headed out anyways.. I wouldnt run into anyone at 8am.. right?! 

If you have not been out this morning.. you need to.. it is perfect! cold.. crisp.. sunny.. you can see your breath in the morning air.. and it mentally confirmed to me.. that we are going to have a cold winter.. that.. and my bald tires really need to be exchanged.. 

flash forward 15 minutes to when I am walking home.. drinking my burnt over milked coffee.. snacking on my cold/warm breakfast wrap.. and of course.. I ran into a regular from work.. he probably didn’t recognize my hideous features looming under a burgundy Harvard sweatshirt.. but it was awkward none the less.. 

(yes.. I went to harvard;)

I am trying to suck up my bad morning.. and drink my burnt coffee.. and I threw my wrap in my own oven to warm it up.. but it is hard to crawl out of this one.. I want to go back to bed now.. and not finish cleaning the house while the landlords come to take a look at it.. 

on a good positive note.. I asked the new girl how to make the breakfast wrap.. and where they bought their goods.. so now maybe I can just make one in the comfort of my own home.. although it was nice to sneak out of the house baby free.. and go for a little walk :)

Happy Wednesday everyone!

12

hes back!!

November 09th, 2010

the daddy has returned! and olive was a kid in a candy store when she saw him.. just one huge smile and laughs and “daddy!”.. it was sweet.. I decided to welcome his arrival with a stop into Ikea! he was raging thrilled :)  but we were there.. right by the airport.. and I had to stop in.. there are some furniture pieces I wanted to see with my own eyes before I purchased them.. and I was desperately wanting an ikea hot dog and frozen yogurt.. 

no.. that is not my hand.. the dog wasnt around long enough to be photographed.. 

the landlords come tomorrow :0  they are doing a “maintenance walk through?”  it always makes me nervous.. and I have been scrubbing the house down all morning.. not that we have wrecked anything.. but its always weird when its their house.. and I want to stay another year.. I love this place.. I have never lived anywhere longer than a year (since I left home) except this place.. and it feels like home..  I am dying to buy a home soon.. but I refuse to do it in the Americas.. I don’t want anything to tie me down, down here.. so.. we rent.. but I am dying to hang shelves.. and paint things.. and take stuff apart.. and than put it back together a year later ;)

we are now in the midst of planning Olives 2nd birthday.. after racking my brain about what to do.. I have decided to do easy! I am almost in my second tri.. it will be very close to Christmas.. it makes sense..  she will know she is loved on that day.. and that is all that matters!

back to the mop and bucket!

clean up.. clean up.. everybody everywhere..

November 07th, 2010

I wish I had a nook like this in my home!

today I woke up after a really crappy sleep.. I blame it on the chocolate milk I had before bed.. and the movies I was watching.. but I had bad dream after bad dream.. they were so intense.. I would randomly wake up and I couldn’t tell what was real life.. and what I was dreaming.. finally at 4am.. I turned on a light to get my groundings.. than fell back to sleep.. phew

at least Olive was a good sport.. and slept in until late. even with the time change.. that woman knows how to treat her mama right!  I woke up with a major case of what I like to call the-next-day-cabin-fever-blues.. they are the worst.. i only left the house once yesterday to get dinner.. and that was it.. than by 9.. I had crashed.. I wanted out of my house.. but olive was out for the night.. so I went to bed.. and stayed up until 12:30 watching more SATC..

 this morning was ugly.. I woke up tired.. and grumpy.. and in desperate need of fresh air.. and the one good thing that came out of it? all I wanted to do was clean and organize.. cupboards.. drawers.. bills.. envelopes.. and crap that has been sitting around this house for the last 3 months.. while I die laid on a couch.. trying to just get through the day.. 

I am ready for my second trimester..

rain drops.. airports.. and pumpkin loafs.. of my!

November 06th, 2010

I am loving the gloom of this weather right now.. the house is dark and cozy.. we are eating warm granola and drinking hot coffee.. it is perfect.. I have started the “house scrub” to get the house ready for Christmas decorating.. things will be put away for the holiday season.. and new shiny sparkly things will come out to take its place.. 

perfection..

Olive is slowly getting her eating habits back.. they disappeared while her two fangs ripped through the gums.. but they have poked through a bit.. and I have not heard a squawk. which is really good.. because they just recalled my teething tablets.. and I still haven’t been able to find baby Tylenol since the recall of 2010.. 

mmm pumpkin loaf..

we dropped the daddy off at the airport yesterday.. it was early for this household.. I started to stir at 5am.. knowing that the alarm would be going off soon.. and planning my get-out-of-the-house-fast route that I would use for me and olive.. things I could skip on.. shoes..things that had to be done.. diaper.. finally.. we were out of the house.. I hate and love airport drop offs.. I love an airport environment.. people meeting.. happily going away on vacations.. leaving stark white.. coming back as red as rubys.. how you justify eating sugary croissant chocolate covered things.. because they are served in an airport.. and what if the plane food sucks?! but than I hate them.. because I was not going in the airport.. I was dropping someone off.. and than stuck in the rush hour traffic again on the way home.. its a catch 22..  he was going to visit his best friend daxy-poo in Montreal.. for some crazy man madness I am sure..  so this weekend it is just me and the little lady.. 

I made the aweful mistake of watching private practice on thursday night.. it is normally our Seinfeld time.. but dust was closing.. so I had full tv access.. 

bad mistake.. 

it was about a really intense rape scene to do with one of the people that work there.. and it was graphic.. and real.. and I scared the shit out of myself.. I tried to go up to sleep and sat there listening to every noise and bump in the night.. I finally heard the key turn in the lock.. and knew I was safe.. the daddy was home.. than last night was no better.. I got off work late.. papa went home..and I knew something had to distract me.. or else I would not sleep.. so I brought up olives mini dvd player.. and watched 3 episodes of sex and the city season 6..(my fav).. and finally fell asleep while listening to the theme song over and over on the dvd finally annoyed me so much.. that I was able to shut it off and conk out..  phew.. that was close.. 

and now.. we sit in a house.. stocked with all of my favorite things.. and it is rainy.. and we will probably be in our jammies for most of the day.. until my cabin fever kicks in and the nausea goes away.. which yesterday.. was not at all :0 thanks to this little person.. 

11 weeks

my belly feels so different.. I am so certain its a boy.. I almost wanted to go shopping for “him” this afternoon! its wild.. and I wasn’t prepared for how much my cell memory would remember being a mama body.. the leg bloating has already started.. everything is already shifting and shaping different.. and I feel like I did when I was 6 months with Olive.. and worst but not least.. the diabetes is starting early.. gulp.. enough said about that.. 

Olive cute-ness factor of the week = daddy taught her to fold her hands on her lap and go “soooo?” like she is waiting for me to tell her an exciting story or what we are going to do today.. cutest thing ever!

my christmas theme this year.. yes I have themes.. last years was “blue christmas”.. well this year.. its classic christmas.. lots of reds.. greens.. and golds.. 

Happy Weekend!

it pays to be a twin.. literally..

 ok.. this is a weird morning.. with apparently lots of things going on..as many of you may have picked up on.. I follow the secret.. and it works! and I was throwing it out into the universe again.. and today.. I received $5.00.. for nothing more than being a twin.. they gave me $5.00!! random.. I think so..  I received something in the mail a couple weeks ago from UW.. saying they knew I was a twin.. and would I like to participate in a study? I cant even remember if I wrote back.. probably not.. but than Fed Ex dropped off a certified envelope today and it was this.. 

yes.. being a twin is special.. and now I have a brochure to confirm it.. they want to pick my brain.. and sorry sis.. I passed on your info to.. but hey.. $5.00 is $5.00 :)

"and so it is.. just like you said it would be.. "

November 04th, 2010

On Monday night. I talked to my sister.. and she told me that my grandma was on her last run.. and she was coming down to say her goodbyes.. ps.. I hate goodbyes.. even when my sister leaves for the weekend.. I would rather her just pack up and go and leave while I am in the shower.. so that I don’t have to watch my twin womb and ball-of-fun drive back to the okanagan.. and than I walk back into my quiet house thinking.. “why don’t we get together more often” .. than I usually flash to the death-highway-coquihalla and secretly hope for my car to die so I can buy an SUV.. 

but I knew I had to go.. and when you are dealing with someone on their last moments in life.. you don’t get to wait a day.. or maybe next week.. or I will come up after dinner.. because you don’t know if any of those moments will be to late..  so Tuesday morning.. I cancelled my work shift.. packed up the car.. and headed north.. I have not seen my grandma in years.. for no other reason other than I have this sweet image in my head of my lovely Scottish grandma.. sitting on a chair in our living room.. with her curly hair and this lavender purple sweater she would wear.. saying things like.. “ooooh bobby”  and “did you know so and so from my bingo halls son passed away?” she always liked to know what was going on .. which is why I think she is still holding on now.. at the ripe old age of 90.. 

I wasn’t planning on seeing her.. my sister was going to take Olive there to meet her and say her goodbyes.. and I would whisper mine late at night when no one could hear.. but something in me knew I had to go.. and I knew it would wreck my perfect image I had in my head.. but it had to be done.. so we went.. me and my sisters.. and our little ladies.. and it broke my heart.. it wasn’t her.. I think her soul has already left the building.. and right now.. her tiny little body is just holding on for the family..  we told her to go and see papa.. and go to that big old bingo hall in the sky.. she thankfully just slept and rested while we were there.. and Olive just buried her head into my shoulder and would not budge.. not an inch.. until we literally walked through the door jam.. than she sprung back to life and started to strut through the halls like normal.. 

I am now just waiting for the phone call to tell me that she finally crossed over.. 

and now.. I sit here.. in America.. wishing even more that I lived back at home.. to be around my parents.. in their prime.. while they aren’t bed ridden and can still pick up the grand-kiddies.. and give them hugs and kisses.. and me and my sister took the kids to the park.. which doesn’t sound like anything.. but it is when you live almost 8 hours apart.. and you don’t ever get to do those things.. and our kiddies play so well..it was great to see them having so much fun..  and I love how any time I come home.. my older brother stops by to say hi.. and talks and catches up.. and we all get together.. and just talk.. nothing fancy or blog worthy.. we just get to physically see each other..  and was the case two nights ago.. we had amazing Mandarin Palace.. I finally got my yummy chinese food.. and it was good.. and I binged..  and on the drive home last night.. which I didn’t want to make.. I wanted to stay in Canada for a month..  I just listened to old music that brought me back to another time.. years ago.. before children.. and songs I listened to while back packing Europe.. and hanging out at Bostons every night until 5am.. meeting all these wonderful people that literally changed my world forever..  and my heart just ached for home.. and than that ache usually turns to mild rage.. when I think about how I am trying to work while sick because I have to pay to have my child.. and on top of just enjoying having a baby. I have to worry about major bills that will arrive in my mail box a couple months after.. 

I am aware that we all make our own beds.. and I chose this journey.. but I just didn’t think it would be so hard sometimes..  you just assume that “love will conquer all” and it will all work out..  but it still doesn’t take away that I am missing my families lives.. and life moments.. I have received so many wonderful things down here.. and I am just waiting for the best of both worlds thing to kick in..

I want to have my cake and eat it to ;)

and now.. because life never stops moving.. no matter how many times you pray for it to.. here is some of the “sweet” that happened these last two days!

starbucks with the kiddies.. which means.. yes.. my first starbucks egg nog latte.. and I bought Olive one of those cute kiddy drinks for a dollar.. that I have waited many years to do.. you can tell she felt special just to have one like her mama.. 

dont mind my old man bangs.. I was butchered.. and it was really windy out.. and I forgot my sunnies.. 

and yes.. it was windy out..  my peanut almost blew over to Abbotsford.. 

at least this woman LOVES the wind..

Olive also joined a band.. this photo was actually taken a week or so ago.. but how freakin cute!

and than there is this pumpkin loaf.. I have been trying to master it now for 4 months.. I first sampled it at my friends house on a play date.. and was in love.. I think she thought I didn’t like it and was eating it to humor her.. but believe me.. I don’t eat things if I cant.. I don’t have that polite will power.. I gag really easy.. and to me.. that is more rude than just saying no.. 

but this was my fourth.. and final.. attempt.. I kept making it wrong.. recipe from memory.. adding to much of one ingredient.. not enough of another.. and this morning. I finally made it .. and it is good! me and olive are enjoying it as we speak.. 

this however is one of my many attempts.. 

but today.. we rocked it..