lowered expectations.. (remember the MAD tv show)

December 29th, 2010

so after many talks with my twinny.. I have realized.. I need to lower my expectations.. and I say that in a positive way.. I cannot do it all.. especially with my lack of help/support down here.. aka.. I want my mama ;) 

This Christmas was my first time ever that I brought it down a notch.. I usually play the game of.. I should be here.. but I am here.. and than I get to the next place.. and realize how much fun that place actually was.. its never ending.. and I let all these fun moments pass me by.. because I am so worried and focused on where I could be.. but this holiday.. we just let the days flow.. and sure.. I had my list of things I wanted to accomplish.. but it wasn’t 5 miles long.. it had a few things on it.. and I accomplished them.. 

I find I beat myself up when certain fun events come up.. and I am sostinkin tired to do them.. and than I know I used to be able to do them and feel bad the whole time.. like Olives first Christmas.. she was not even 2 weeks old.. and I remember Aunty Jen coming over to visit.. and I was in my kitchen rolling out 2 dozen sugar cookies.. keeled over my island.. with my rolling pin.. making little snowmen and candy canes.. and in pain.. “but I was not going to let christmas pass me by”.. its nuts.. instead of just cuddling on the couch with my first born.. surrounded by lights and snow.. I was in pain.. and crampy and trying to hold onto my traditions.. and believe me.. I think I could have gone a year with out sugar cookies ;) 

So now.. I am getting myself into the mind set that this is just my baby making stage.. where I raise my littles into great little people.. and I dont have to say yes to everything.. and I dont have to do everything.. and I will pick the ones that I want to do.. in a couple of years.. we will have a babysitter on new years eve.. and we will buy tickets.. and go out and dance until 2am.. but that time is not this year.. of course we will still do something fun and special.. but in our style.. 

I am a Virgo.. so of course I have my lists.. I always will.. dreams and plans of where I want to go.. I actually just made one a couple days ago of where we should travel on certain anniversaries.. so far.. I have Bali for our 5 year!! (can you tell I just watched Eat Pray Love!)

that will be me.. on my bike.. in the heat.. going to the market.. (perhaps with Javier Bardem ;) 

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