I really learned it all from mothers

 I am a huge beleiver in learning from other mamas.. anytime you go online .. all that pops up is cancer anyways ;)  when I was all baby crazy the first 2 weeks.. jacked up on vicoden and almost no food.. I literally called my sister 10-15 times a day crying.. asking for advice.. to the point where she told me I already knew half he answers.. and get my shit together (thank you for that!) I really did need to hear it.. I am also thankful that she answered the phone at midnight last night.. when olives fever went from raging body heat.. to a popsicle.. this was the first time I had experienced it.. blue lips.. shaking cold.. freezing hands and feet.. I was scared..  I thought I had overdosed her tiny little body on tylenol.. in reality.. she only had it twice 12 hours apart..  but all those fears come swarming in.. and I was alone while the daddy was in Miami.. i made her a warm bottle and put her into my bed (for the first time ever!.. umm.. I may be addicted now) wrapped every blanket I had around her.. where she layed like a mummy.. which is not olive at all.. this girl likes to explore.. 40 minutes later.. still shaking.. I called my sister.. she let me know I did not overdose my peanut pop on one dropper of tylenol. lol.. and take off off the five blankies and go to bed.. so we slept side by side.. correction.. head in my face.. feet in my face.. she turned over about 50 times.. curled up like a froggy.. it was great.. I got to watch her little face sleep.. I lied there not fully asleep.. waking up anytime she moved fearing she would roll over the pillows and ker-plunk on the floor..  fearing for her safetly.. and how in those moments.. you truley would sell everything you have and give it all away just so the little ones are ok.. I thought of driving her to the hospital.. (where is the closest one here?) I thought about having to transfer money online before I left to cover the co pay( i cant get a credit card in this country because I have not been here “long enough”)  and I thought about how I would have to fill out paper work holding my scared child while I am bra less with make up down my face.. in horrible oversized pjs and ratty hair.. and than I started to get angry and wish I was home.. (this doesnt happen to often.. mostly at 2am in moments like these ;) I honestly feel like my mother knows everything.. I really hope that Olive grows up thinking the same about me.. 

  she is still asleep.. now in her crib.. and her body is back to normal..  and you look back in the night and laugh at how crazy random your thoughts can be.. I fear when my second baby comes that I wont have enough attention to give her.. and only hope that I can do half a good a job as my momma.. I truley believe independence is key.. I try to  ”cut the cord” many times and let her explore this great world.. I cannot wait to send her away to places when she is older.. explore the earth with her and send her off into the world with confidence.  if that is all I accomplish.. I will be satisfied!