food for thought

  I realize that me.. and most woman out there.. have issues with our bodies.. especially when you gain 37 pounds with the majority of that being in the belly region. but why oh why does it have to be so hard? I hear people .. Julia Roberts and Bette midler.. say that being in their 40’s/50’s is the most liberating and best time in their life! Do I really have to wait until I am fifty to finally feel confident in this bag of bones?I know that my mind set has a lot to do with it.. but I dont think I am closing the magazine covers or shutting off TMZ anytime soon.. don’t get me wrong.. I am not going for waif here.. but strong and lean… it doesnt help me when I think of all the procedures I can get done to get back there when I am older.. but who am I kidding.. I fast for three days for a colonoscopy (worst 3 days of my life) and backed out at the last minute.. literally.. on the bed.. starting to put the IV in.. and me and my mom made a mad dash with a bag of oatmeal raisin cookies in our hands..and the Dr insisting that he was going to charge me for this.. just to run home and eat parmesan chicken wings that she had prepped just for moi! I hate anything that could cause me to die.. and ever since I have had Olive.. it just got worse.. now vehicles and walking at night scares me.. dont even get me started on airplanes ;)  I know I will never get back to square one pre baby.. I mean.. things shift and move and grow.. but I want to come a close second.. especially before baby number two joins my uterus..  

  Now dont get me wrong.. I am not sitting at home draping myself in black garb and shutting out the world.. but is it to much to feel great in a t shirt again without pulling and tugging.. and sucking in! I tried really hard not to come across as a whiner.. I am on week 2 of P90X.. down 4 lbs.. and ran for ten full minutes at the gym.. which is huge for me..  

  Long story short.. I am done making excuses.. which they all are.. it is crunch time.. 

I will now post a picture of my body 2 weeks after P90X