goodbye 2010.. hello 2011..

December 31th, 2010

This has been a crazy and wild year.. and I am glad to have experienced it all.. I went from being a mama of a one year old.. to being a mama whoenjoyed her one year old..  I remember getting a card at Olives birthday that said

you did it.. you survived the first year!!

and it just resonated with me.. yes.. I survived..  those mornings I thought I was alone.. crying in a bathroom while my baby squawked in a swing in the living room.. all those afternoons where I had no time to eat and I couldn’t get my teeth brushed until 2pm.. those evenings that would roll in like a black cloud.. and I could feel my anxiety creeping in.. because I knew night time was coming.. and night time meant no sleep.. and crying babies.. and a tired mama who felt like she was going crazy..  I had survived it all.. and last year.. was just a year of enjoying the little monkey I had created! she could communicate with me.. and when she looked at me.. I knew she could see right through my eyes into my soul.. I always said when she was born that I felt like me and her have always been “old friends” together.. and it is now my turn to show her a great time on this earth.. and so.. I tried.. 

We were married In April.. we went away with 42 of our friends and family.. (which I had never done.. and probably never will do again).. we travelled half way around the world to Greece.. we knew the possibilities of ever traveling there in the next 8 years were fleeting.. so we left our baby girl in loving hands.. and we went.. and truly enjoyed ourselves.. my mama is one of the few people in the world who I have absolute trust leaving my babies with.. and we were not worried for her safety..  we just honeymoon’d and tried to reconnect the last year and a half that had slipped away and became more about dirty diapers.. and whats for dinners..  rather than I love yous.. and great jobs!  

we tried endlessly.. and succeeded in having our second love child.. and like I have mentioned before.. I never thought I could have any children..  and now.. I am spoiled with two!.. penis’.. vagina.. both.. I will take them all.. on the 6th month of trying.. I thought we were just lucky enough to have Olive.. and than it happened.. right when you let go of it all .. and give up hope.. the man upstairs takes control and sets his plan into action.. 

being a transient who has moved every 6-12 months since I was 19.. I feel so lucky to have found my “home” though it may be a rental.. this is our third year here.. and it feels great to have little spots for everything in my home.. and the warmth I feel when I come home from work feels amazing..  and knowing we were engaged here.. and raised Olive here.. and will bring our newest little baby home here.. 2011 is going to be an exciting year.. 

some changes I hope to come are simple enough.. but I know I need to work at making them happen.. I want to do more.. see more.. feel more.. love more.. I am scared to lose myself in this second child.. I want a lot less computer time.. and more colouring play dough time..  I want more date nights.. and hand holding.. 

the nesting has started.. and I am cleansing 2010’s garbage and papers.. and decorations.. and I am ready to create new ones.. with art work hung on my fridge.. and day planners packed with activities.. I want it all in 2011.. 

thank you 2010 for all you brought me and took away from me.. it was a year that I accomplished so many life moments.. and I look forward to putting you back in the cupboard and creating many more memories.. 

heres to the simple life.. because to me.. a simple life is beautiful.. 

lowered expectations.. (remember the MAD tv show)

December 29th, 2010

so after many talks with my twinny.. I have realized.. I need to lower my expectations.. and I say that in a positive way.. I cannot do it all.. especially with my lack of help/support down here.. aka.. I want my mama ;) 

This Christmas was my first time ever that I brought it down a notch.. I usually play the game of.. I should be here.. but I am here.. and than I get to the next place.. and realize how much fun that place actually was.. its never ending.. and I let all these fun moments pass me by.. because I am so worried and focused on where I could be.. but this holiday.. we just let the days flow.. and sure.. I had my list of things I wanted to accomplish.. but it wasn’t 5 miles long.. it had a few things on it.. and I accomplished them.. 

I find I beat myself up when certain fun events come up.. and I am sostinkin tired to do them.. and than I know I used to be able to do them and feel bad the whole time.. like Olives first Christmas.. she was not even 2 weeks old.. and I remember Aunty Jen coming over to visit.. and I was in my kitchen rolling out 2 dozen sugar cookies.. keeled over my island.. with my rolling pin.. making little snowmen and candy canes.. and in pain.. “but I was not going to let christmas pass me by”.. its nuts.. instead of just cuddling on the couch with my first born.. surrounded by lights and snow.. I was in pain.. and crampy and trying to hold onto my traditions.. and believe me.. I think I could have gone a year with out sugar cookies ;) 

So now.. I am getting myself into the mind set that this is just my baby making stage.. where I raise my littles into great little people.. and I dont have to say yes to everything.. and I dont have to do everything.. and I will pick the ones that I want to do.. in a couple of years.. we will have a babysitter on new years eve.. and we will buy tickets.. and go out and dance until 2am.. but that time is not this year.. of course we will still do something fun and special.. but in our style.. 

I am a Virgo.. so of course I have my lists.. I always will.. dreams and plans of where I want to go.. I actually just made one a couple days ago of where we should travel on certain anniversaries.. so far.. I have Bali for our 5 year!! (can you tell I just watched Eat Pray Love!)

that will be me.. on my bike.. in the heat.. going to the market.. (perhaps with Javier Bardem ;) 

19

I had a holly jolly Christmas..

December 27th, 2010

cause its the best time of the year!! We had a really good Christmas this year.. why you ask? because I lowered all my expectations!! I wrote down a list of things I wanted to do.. and stuck to it.. we were still bouncing around and moving from house to house.. but it wasn’t as rushed.. and I never felt like I was missing out on things while being at the other house.. did I come home exhausted and beat.. of course! but that’s what happens when you celebrate Christmas with a baby in the belly and a 2 year old whose naps were put on hold.. and bedtime was pushed back 3 hours.. 

one of the things on my list that I wanted to do this year..

the gingerbread house.. we did it last year to.. and Olive kind of got it.. but this year.. these kiddies got it! candy.. and icing.. and messy fingers.. oh my!

this trip was filled with family.. and decorating.. and eating.. and just being busy.. I didn’t get to see everyone I wanted to :( but me and the new famalia had a great time together..

this is my favorite picture of the season!.. Olive is finally crawling out of her little shell.. and was walking around talking to people.. and wasn’t glued to my leg.. it was magical..   it only took 2 years and a month.. but I think we are finally here!

This year we traded in Ronnies 7 foot tree.. for this little guy.. they had this tree when they went to Hawaii almost 20 years ago.. and Barbie had even bought mini ornaments.. and a tree skirt.. and these lights still work!! Lord knows it was easier to set up ;)

we held onto our Haffner family traditions.. caesar salad.. escargot and save-on-foods platters.. we had family and friends over… and me and Olive had to finally call it a night at midnight.. yes.. she was still up.. and happy.. and motoring around.. and having a great time.. we actually had to wake her up Christmas morning at 9 and she was not to happy..  until I whispered in her little ear that Santa had come and brought her a present.. and she got it!

my favorite part of being a mama is setting up her Santa treats! filling the stocking.. setting up the Santa gift.. and eating the cookies we left for him.. the only thing we forgot this year was starting our tradition of reading the night before Christmas :( but you cant win them all.. 

we opened presents.. ate yummy breakfast.. and napped.. and off to the shower a little to late.. because I just didnt want to break the Christmas seal by leaving the fun moments.. 

this year was anything Thomas the Train.. she is in love.. she actually picked these boots out herself.. we had to pry them out of her hands at Nordstroms.. so they were purchased..  She loved her porcelain tea set that Santa brought her.. and I see many tea partied in our future.. 

we ate.. we visit more family.. we stayed up way to late playing with scratch tickets.. eating platters that we werent even hungry for.. and watched a little 007.. 

the next morning brought Milestones eggs benny with friends.. a couple more visits.. and we finally drove home at night.. my personality usually wants me to rush home and be home and do laundry.. and I just thought of the fact that I can do that all week if I want.. so we enjoyed our time in Canada.. and came home exhausted.. ordered a pizza.. then crashed and burned..  it was the most solid sleep I have had in a while.. 

it was good.. 

we had the newest Bruce addition this year for Christmas.. and he was so sweet in his little Santa costume!!

as much as I love the holidays.. I am glad they are done.. and I get to go back to family planning.. and what day to get groceries.. easy breezy.. it is nesting time here at the Haffner-Bruce house.. and I am ready to prepare for this newest little baby that is a comin!!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

touchey!!

December 24th, 2010

because grandma needed a Christmas tree to :)

December 24th, 2010

because grandma needed a Christmas tree to :)

SHOCKED…

December 20th, 2010

I don’t really know any other word to use.. I thought this little peanut was a boy.. low heart beat.. sitting different.. made me sick to my stomach for almost 4 months :0  but low and behold.. I carry another woman’s soul inside of me.. and I could not be happier.. and I am not just saying that cause I have no other choice.. me and Dustin have always talked about our love for a family of ladies.. the bonds.. the connections.. the estrogen running around the house.. looking for cell phones.. stealing the wrong jackets.. reading each others diaries.. it will be magic.. 

the ultrasound tech told us right away.. in almost the first two minutes.. 

I’m thinking its a girl..

sorry.. what was that.. you are thinking its a girl..  I just made life plans of my two sweet baby sisters in Disneyland together.. and playing high school volleyball with their long ponytails and blue jerseys kickin everyone’s buts.. (oh yes.. it starts) .. they are now going to be known as the Haffner-Bruce girls.. just like I was identified to being a twin for.. well.. I still am.. we are “the twins” and it is great NOW.. but it took a lot of identity searching to realize how amazing it truly is to share someones DNA with them.. everything but the fingerprints! we always said if one of of murdered someone.. we would wear gloves and blame the other.. lol..  yes.. we actually thought like that..  all this happened in the split second she said girl.. and I stopped a couple minutes after to realize that I was literally beaming from ear to ear.. I don’t even think I was listening to her anymore.. I was giving her lame responses like.. oh yah.. the heart! cool.. because I was already laying down the foundation for the next 18 years.. 

it is going to be magical.. just like this next photo.. it is my favorite ultrasound photo to date.. 

I just feel like it is her “stamp” to me.. slapped on my uterus wall..

look mama.. I am here.. get ready for me.. cause I’m a comin!!

It is all so real now.. the ball is rolling.. and things feel more official.. 

I would like to mention that the woman said this was her belly and her two arms.. I almost shit my pants on the table.. I thought I had birthed a half horse man.. but it is in fact her leg.. not her really low-sitting arm.. 

Life is Beautiful..